Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
