So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
