before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
