dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I AM VODKA MAN
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
