i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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