Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
