i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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