i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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