i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize