You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
