i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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