so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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