I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
