It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
