im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
