apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
