I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize