If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
