if i can run in heels then i can drive
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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