i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
