i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Houston, we have a blender
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
