im six kinds of drunk right now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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