hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
