dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
