Got a toothbrush?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
did i just pee glitter
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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