I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
