Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My nipple is on Facebook.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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