I CAN MOONWALK!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
