Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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