dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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