I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
