last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
