Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
