I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
