I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
