Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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