You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
