was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize