Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
