Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just cropdusted the office
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
