my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
