Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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