I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
