You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
