every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A+ Viking dick
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
