Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
where are you?
Hypothermia
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
