apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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