So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
