Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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