ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
