Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
