Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize