That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
