oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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