dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
