dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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