I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
