I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
