the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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