Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
