At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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