i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
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