All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
