I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
