the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize