Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's on the porch naked. Help.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
