Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
