I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
