Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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