Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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