Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
