i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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