mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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